Struggles, Scars and OCD
by Pickler96
Summary: WARNING: Triggering themes. Dark themes. Cutting and hints depression. Wally is depressed and he hides his feelings of hatred for himself from all of his friends. He has to pretend to be happy. While he watched the love of his life date another man. His friends forced to sit and watch as he self-destructs. What hope is there for Wally?
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING: Triggering themes. Dark themes. Cutting and hints depression.**

Summary: Wally is depressed and he hides his feelings of hatred for himself from all of his friends. He has to pretend to be happy. While he watched the love of his life date another man. His friends forced to sit and watch as he self-destructs. What hope is there for Wally?

The kids are 16, not part of any "next door" program, but at the age of 13 they were so close that no one could bear ripping away their memories of each other and destroying their childhood.

*~*Wally's P.O.V.*~*

I walked the school hallway pulling my orange hoodie farther down my arms to hide my pass time life choice that I not so recently picked up. I force a smile as my friends walk up to me at our usual morning meeting spot. And as of recently it has become my locker. I stopped at my locker just long enough to grab my books, yes I do my work. Shocking; and force a laugh at a joke Hoagie told before turning and walking to my first period class, advanced art. Again shocking Wally is taking an advanced art class; actually I have an A in that class.

Little known fact about me. I have a severe OCD. Only not the germaphobe or the phsyco repetitive tapping kind of OCD. No I am talking about the everything I look at I see multiple patterns. A tiled floor for instance, I see a pattern of 1 to 9 to 25 to you get my point. Or a pattern of 4 by 16 by etc. Maybe that is why I like fighting so much. There is a pattern to it. It wasn't until recently that I have been able to use it to help me get ahead with my school work. My doctor suggested using patterns to help with my classes. Yeah you are thinking I get art and math. Patterns are all throughout it. But English how does that work? Well there is a pattern to writing. And I see them. I've struggled with it my entire life. And My friends don't know. I already get enough pity from them.

I slip in my headphones and push open the door to my art class and give a nod to my teacher and sit at my work station to get ready to paint. Emotions on a canvas. That's what I call it. And well my stuff tends towards a darker tone. The class goes by relatively quickly, unfortunately. I share a math class with Hoagie and Nigel next period. Why can't it be Wednesday. Then I could just stay here and paint.

I only got halfway to my class before I saw Kuki and her boyfriend Gary sucking face right in the middle of the hallway. My breath caught, like it does whenever I see her with him. Deciding against going to class. Turning on my heel, letting my blond hair fall into my eyes like it used to do and made a beeline for the closest bathroom. Plopping myself on a toilet in a locked stall I rolled up my sleeve and traced one of the white scars on my arm.

Cutting is my pastime if you didn't get. It helps me get through my life. I can't control my OCD. I don't have the guts to ask out the love of my life. The angel to my world. Kuki Sanban. All my friends pity me. This is the only thing I can control in my life, and I hate it. I hate the fact that I am reduced to cutting to have any sort of feeling of control. Feeling my heart beat quicken at the ring of the bell I try and stop the oncoming panic attack. I screwed with a pattern. F*cked with a routine. My thoughts start going haywire. I started hyperventilating.

*~*Nigel P.O.V.*~*

Wally isn't here in math. Which is odd. He usually sticks to a routine. If he doesn't then he has a panic attack. He tries to hide his OCD, I don't see why. It's obvious, his grade skyrocketed. He does the same thing every day, in the same order, at the same time. He even comes to school when he is sick.

I remember this one time last year he had a very high fever and passed out in class, then begged to stay. That's what really made me realize how bad his OCD was. Then he had a horrible panic attack. This could be bad. My hand shot up "Mr. Thomas, may I use the bathroom?" He looked up not really caring and nodded.

Casually I walked out of the room before breaking out into a run. I had to find him fast. The last place I expected to find him was sitting in the nurses' office. Hesitantly I entered noticing he was shaking and breathing heavily. "Wally?" I asked. He looked at me and scooted over a little bit to give me room to sit.

"Did Mr. Thomas send you to find me?" He whispered.

"Nah." I shrugged. "He probably didn't even realize you were missing. Hogester on the other hand, probably noticed right away. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I… I'm fine" He whispered again.

"You had another panic attack." He looked like he was going to argue. "Walls remember last year. I know. Everything. Were you ever going to tell us? Are you medicated? How long?"

"I don't know. I've been dealing with it my entire life you know. For the longest time, no one believed me. My family, the doctors, everyone thought I was lying. I was…"

"Afraid" I supplied so he didn't have to say it.

"Yeah. That. I mean what if you guys didn't believe me or… I couldn't take that chance. And yes. But only when I need to be. Usually, it's controlled if I stick to a routine. I missed class… My mom is on her way with them so I can get my day back on track." He paused. "Just don't tell anyone… please Nigel."

"Alright. Fine. I'll see you later. I have to get back to class."

I just barely heard him say "bye  
*~*Wally P.O.V.*~*

"Mom please, just take me home." I argued in a hushed tone.

"Wallaby, what about you're routine? Isn't it best to just get back to it?" She argued back.

"Mom please. I'm begging you. I can deal once my meds kick in. I just don't think I could handle here right now. So please."

"Wally. Honey. Your doctor said getting back to a routine would be best when this sort of thing happens."

"Mom look at me. Take my hands. I'm shaking. I'm a mess. I can't go anywhere. Mom I just want to go home."

Sighing she gave in "Fine. But I have to go back to work. Then I'm going to Gretas. Your dad has to work late and Joey is going to the Gilligan's. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes. Mom. Can we go soon?"

"Yes. Yes. Let me sign you out." I followed mom to the car and climbed into the passenger seat. I was just lucky my mom was going into work late already. I sent out a mass text to my friends. It read: Going home guys. Don't feel well. See you tomorrow.

My mom dropped my off at home, and then had to leave right away to get to work on time. Turning off my phone. I tossed it on the bed next to my backpack on the bed and removed my hoodie and jeans. Leaving me in my boxers and t-shirt. Scars littering my arms. I reached under the bed and pulled out my "kit."

An hour later I lay there in a haze. Between my meds, that always make me a little hazy any way and my fresh cuts it was a no brainer. I may have cut a little too much, nothing to worry about. The bleeding will stop. Eventually. I was still shaking. Still breathing hard. Still panicking. Not as bad as before. Thank you meds.

I pulled myself off my bed and nearly threw myself into the toilet. When I felt comfortable enough that I wasn't going to get sick I made my way back to my room to retrieve my phone. Turning it on, it instantly went off. I got texts from everyone, all basically saying the same thing: Are you okay? I sent everyone but Nigel an: I'm fine should be back tomorrow. But sitting back next to the toilet I sent Nigel an: I couldn't pull myself together. I should be back tomorrow if I can pull myself together.

I spent the day switching between pacing the bathroom and worshipping the porcelain gods. I said meds help, but I broke my routine. I can't help the side effects. Or what happens during the panic attacks. Around the time school got out I got phone call from Kuki. "Hello." I croak out having just finished dry heaving.

"WALLY! ARE YOU OKAY?! I HEARD YOU WENT HOME SICK!" She yelled into the phone.

I winced her high pitched voice making my headache worse. "Kooks, please. Tone it down like three quarters of the way. My head is pounding."

"Oh sorry Wally. Are you okay though? You looked fine at your locker th…" She dropped the level.

I cut her off on the verge of being sick again. "Kooks. I have to call you back. I'd say could can come over, but I'm puking my guts up so I have to go" I hung up and barely got my head inside the bowl again cursing my mental illness. After this round of dry heaving I sat with my head against the toilet. That is until the doorbell rang. Mumbeling "Shit" I got up yelling "HOLD ON" I went to my room to grab my hoodie. I was pulling it on as I went down the stairs. I was fixing the sleeves as I landed on the first floor when the door burst open in the kitchen.

"Couldn't you have moved a little faster? Abby was starting to get worried about you." Abby said waltzing in. "Whew. Boy you stink."

"Abby. He's sick." Kuki said hushed.

Shaking I made my way past them into the kitchen to get a glass. "Listen guys. Not that I'm not glad to see you. But…" the glass slipped from my hand and shattered on the floor. "Fuck"

"Wally, we aren't leaving you alone." Kuki said.

I slam my hand down on the counter. I really can't deal with this right now. I'm about to turn around when Nigel says, "Guys maybe we should leave him alone. If that's what you want Wally."

"Please. Just go." I almost beg.

There is a chorus of "bye Wally" as they left. Nigel was the only one left. Before he left he stopped and said "Don't push us away Wally. If you tell them we can help you"

"Nigel. You guys can never understand. So get out." I say storming upstairs leaving him to let himself out and the broken glass on the floor. I smiled when I heard him leave but I also frowned. Now I'm alone, left with nothing but my thoughts. I grabbed my razor from my box and rolled up my sleeve. 'They think you are lying' new cut. 'They pity you' new cut. It went on like this. I thought something, and made a new cut. 15 or 20 cuts later I packed up my "kit" and hid it under my bed again. I let the cuts scab up and sat in the bathroom in case my stomach decided to revolt again. And that is where I stayed.

*~* Wallys' Mom P.O.V.*~*

I entered the dark house with Joey behind me. My mind worried for my little kangaroo. Well my oldest kangaroo. "Joey, try and be quiet. If your brother is sleeping, I don't want you to wake him. Go on up and take a shower." He went upstairs and I entered the kitchen flicking on the light. Walking to the open cabinet to close it I stepped on broken glass. Sighing I leaned on the counter. I hoped it had been a good day. But from the looks of the broken glass, he hadn't stopped shaking. I tried to get him stay in school. I should have made him stay.

"Mommy." I looked up at Joeys voice, "Did Wally have another bad day?"

We had a long struggle with Wallys OCD about three years ago. It's some of Joeys first memories. He was four. Wally was thirteen. "What makes you say that?"

"He is asleep on the floor. Mommy what happened to Wally?" He was starting to get hysterical.

Sighing I sat him down "Joey." How do I word this? We skirted around this topic so much when Joey was little. "Wally is sick. Remember. Which is why he does everything the same why. His routine was messed up. I'll take care of him. Can you pick up the broken glass?" I left the room and climbed the stairs.

My heart broke as I entered the bathroom. Wally was curled up next to the toilet, passed out. "Wallaby?" I kneeled down shaking him. "Wallaby. Wake up my little kangaroo." He blurrily blinked his eyes open. "There's a good dingo. Have you eaten anything" He shook his head no. "Do you want to?" He gave another head shake. "Come on. Let's get you up." I grabbed his arm and pulled up my eldest. "Tomorrow will be better I promise." I let him lie down on his bed. "Tomorrow is a new day. New routine. Night sweetie.

There you go. Review. Feedback needed. There will be more. I have plans for this.

Until next time.


	2. Chapter 2

**WARNING: Triggering themes. Dark themes. Cutting and hints depression.**

Summary: Wally is depressed and he hides his feelings of hatred for himself from all of his friends. He has to pretend to be happy. While he watched the love of his life date another man. His friends forced to sit and watch as he self-destructs. What hope is there for Wally?

The kids are 16, not part of any "next door" program, but at the age of 13 they were so close that no one could bear ripping away their memories of each other and destroying their childhood.

*~*Wally P.O.V.*~*

5:30 rolled around way too early for me. My panicking was done. I was back on routine.

5:30 wakeup call

6:00 bagel

6:15 pack backpack

6:20 teeth brush and final once over

6:28 bus stop

6:32 bus ride

And that's how my morning went. Of course, I was also filled with dread. There was bound to be questions. I mean I disappear from school, and then kick them out of my house when they come to visit.

I was coming back down the stairs with my backpack thrown over my arm. My mom was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. "Thanks for yesterday mom." I say.

She smiles. "I'll always be there for you Wallabee. Now do me a favor."

"Anything mom. What is it?"

Smiling she took my hand and placed my pill bottle in it. "Carry these from now on. Please."

"My meds…" I stared down at the bottle. "Yeah. Yeah. I guess I probably should." I give a smile and glance at the clock. "6:28. I have to go. Bye mom I love you" I kissed her cheek and walked to the bus stop clutching my pill bottle still. Once I stopped walking I looked down at my hand. I hate my pills. They make me feel different. Like a shout out to the world, hey guys guess what I have OCD.

"Wally!" Kuki yells my name, running up to me. I caught her in a hug as she ran into me. Her hair smelled like roses. "I'm so glad you feel better. You didn't look good at all last night"

Letting her go and pocketing my pills, I said "Yeah. I hate being that sick."

"Should you really be at school today? You could barely stand last night." She stepped back to look me over. I blushed a little bit. It felt like she was checking me out.

"Kooks, I'm fine. See, I can stand on my own. I look fine" I did a little twirl so she can see. The bus pulls up and I let her go first, and then I plop into the seat beside her. "I'm sorry for how I acted last night."

She shrugged. "We shouldn't have invited ourselves over like that. I remember that you always hated our company when we were little and you were sick."

"Yeah and you seemed especially excited to see us when you were sick. Actually almost too happy sometimes" I said. I rolled the pill bottle in my hoodie pocket. My happy- go- lucky mood falling and my smile becoming forced, the bottle is a constant reminder that I am different. The urge to take a knife to my skin bubbled up again as we pulled into school.

I met up with everyone at my locker, as per usual. Well everyone minus Kuki who disappeared as soon as we stepped off the bus to go find that creep of her boyfriend. Forcing a laugh I joined in with the conversation.

When did I change? When did I fall into this dark pit of despair? These are my friends and I can't even be happy around them. Fake smiles, forced laughter that is what my life has become. And I hate it. I am drowning over here. And now it seems like my OCD is spiraling out of control. And I have to keep lying. I used to only have one lie. Now they just keep adding up. I tell them I'm fine, when I know I'm really not. I say nothing is wrong; all you have to do is look at me to know I am lying.

"Wally? You in there buddy." Hoagie said tapping my head. I must have spaced out.

"Yeah. Yeah. Just thinking about a project for first period." Another lie.

"Ahh the infamous first period, are you going to tell us what your first period class is yet?" Hoagie asks. Yeah, I haven't told them I've turned into a "free spirit artsy farsty" person. Yeah I like boxing. Love it, but I love art too. But I can't tell them that. Come on, how would they react if they found out that I did art? Another lie.

The bell rung. "I'll see you guys later." I gave a nod then walked towards the stairs to my first period class.

*~*Hoagies P.O.V. *~*

I watched Wally walk away. Making a split decision I started to follow him. "Hoagie!" Nigel called. I turned to look at him. "The cafeteria is this way. We always spend off in the café." He points over his shoulder.

"I'm going to follow Wally. I don't know about you, but I'm dying to know. He's taken this class for three years and hasn't told us what it is once." This time I point over my shoulder.

He sighs. "Fine. But leave me out of it." He turns and walks away.

I turned and ran up the stairs. I got into the corridor in time to see Wally's orange hoodie turn into a classroom. I waited for the hallways to clear and the final bell to ring before I stood in the doorway, looking in. I can't believe my eyes. Wally painting, willingly. I don't understand. Why didn't he… Whoa! He is actually really good. I saw it when some girl asked him something. He turned the painting around. And is that a real smile? I think it might be. Not that crap he passes off to us.

*~*Wally P.O.V.*~*

"Hi Wally." A female voice said. I looked up to see Carmen Freeman standing next to me. She had REALLY curly long brown hair and a punkish dress type. Today was a red and black plaid pleated skirt and a grrr tank top. She had to be cold. It's October and all she has on is elbow length gloves and thigh high stockings to cover her arms and legs. "Could I borrow your crimson red and black mix? I noticed you still have it capped. Usually you use it."

"Yeah, Yeah. You want to see it?" She nods. I turn it around.

"Oh my god Wally. That is really good." I smiled. A real genuine smile.

"Thanks. Oh you wanted paint." I handed the container to her. She thanked me and walked away.

I've known Carmen now for three years. She has been in all three of my art classes. And we kind of hit it off. And yeah we get along fine. And yeah she's kind of pretty. And I know you are asking why you don't ask her out. Well simple. I am in love with Kuki. Who is with Gary. And I know the logical thing is to find someone else and move on. But I have been in love with Kuki for so long. But in reality, I shouldn't hold out. And maybe a relationship would be better in the long wrong with my OCD. Maybe it could help. I haven't exactly been in a relationship before. But what about my scars. I could wear long sleeves I guess. And Carmen is really cute I guess. And we have a lot in common. Plus I think she is single. I think I'm going to go for it.

Wow. I just convinced myself to ask out someone who isn't Kuki. Good job me. I think.

We were already cleaned up by the bell rung. "Hey Carmen" I call running to catch up with her.

She smiled. "Hey Wally. Thanks again for letting me borrow your paint."

"Ahh, it was nothing." We walked for a little bit in silence. I said. "Hey, do you want."

At the same time she said, "Can I ask you" She laughed, "You go first."

"Do you want to go out with me sometime… like on date?" I asked, stopping with her at her locker. She smiled, but didn't say anything. Smiling is good right? She turned to look at me, smile still on her face. Before I could get a verbal answer, she kissed me.

Call it moving fast. But when has Carmen been normal? And I guess it's a good first kiss story. I'm not really sure what to do in this situation. But I wrapped one arm around her waist and the other cupped her face. When we pulled apart I asked "Is that a yes?" She just laughed and nodded.

*~*Nigel P.O.V.*~*

Hoagie came running up to me, out of breath. He leaned up against the locker saying "I had to run to get out of there in time. Wally… Wally takes art" He barely caught his breath when he doubled over in laughter, repeating the word art. Rolling my eyes I looked around, luckily, Hoagie doubled over in laughter wasn't a surprise to a lot of people. He spent most of his time like this. What I didn't expect was to see Wally kissing a girl other than Kuki. The boy is in love with Kuki, head over heels even then why is he…?

"Hoagie." I slap him "Hoagie take a look at that" I point over to Wally and a girl.

"Whoa! That's a girl from his class." Hoagie said.

"What happened to Kuki, I thought he was head over for her." I asked completely confused. Hoagie acted like he expected this.

"I don't know what happened to Kuki, but he gave that girl a real genuine the Wally we used to know smile, not that fake crap he gives us." Hoagie shrugged.

"Wait wait wait," We start walking towards math "Real as in the smiles he gives Kuki when they are "alone" real, or mind numbing video game real?"

"The first one, hands down."

*~*Kuki P.O.V.*~*

Why am I sitting here crying? What gives me a reason to sit here in the bathroom and bawl my eyes out? All I saw was Wally kissing that emo girl Carmen. Wally, prime jock, top boxer, well he was, he doesn't box or wrestle with the school anymore. But still he is feared and renowned as the best. And he boxes for fun, etc. But how could he be with her. I'm a much better fit. A cheerleader.

Wait. Why did I just say that? I have Gary. I shouldn't care who Wally kisses. No I don't care. I don't care. Walking out I ran into the last person I expected to see.

Next time we start off with Kuki and her run in with Carmen. How do you like Carmen? And yes there is a point to her. If I didn't add her in then the story would be shorter.


End file.
